why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't deserve a penis
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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