I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
