should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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