i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
