when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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