My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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