I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
