she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
His hands were made for my vagina.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
