So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
