There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
