just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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