Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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