I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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