How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
