Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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