so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have fence marks all over my body
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
