Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
