oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
