I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
