the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
