I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
