It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
