how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
