can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I enjoy the company of your penis
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