Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
