Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
