Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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