apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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