please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
