i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
