people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I still have a little drunk in my system
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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