Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
