JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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