I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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