I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
