Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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