Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
