i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
