THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
