Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
