I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
