The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just want to make out with him forever
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
