Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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