youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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