I seem to have left my pride at pride
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
