you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
