I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
