With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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