it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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