the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Pappa wants mamma naked
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
