I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
