I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
