dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
