His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
should my penis look like a turkey
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
