Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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