not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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