I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
