Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
