I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
