So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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