hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
