I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
