Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Boobs speak an international language.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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