You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My hand turned me down
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
