Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
