Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
