I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
