Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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