You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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