if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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