I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
