you traded sex for a burrito?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
