she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
