dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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