youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My vagina just recognized that song.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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