Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
