I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
