I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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