Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Vodka?
Forever.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Randomize
