Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
