Cold hands, warm shart.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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