nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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