he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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