woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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