The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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