why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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