i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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