Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
