Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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