awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
