also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
