Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's official drugs can't kill me
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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